I say all the time that God knew exactly what He was doing when he gave us Zane. I joke that he knew we needed a baby who was relaxed and easy to deal within our old age. I comment often that he completed our family. Zane makes us laugh, he exhausts us with his questions, he challenges us to not just give him a simple answer, he wants the truth.
This morning when I woke him up to get ready for school our conversation went like this....
Z: I dreamed about God last night.
ME: Oh yea! What did you dream?
Z: God told me I should build an ark!
ME: WOW! That seems like a big job to do in our apartment.
Z: But, He wants me to do it. And He said I could bring my dinosaurs.
ME: Well I'm not sure we can fit an ark in our apartment they are really big.
Z: But Mommy, we are supposed to listen to God, Ms. Emily and Jeff told me.
God has a sense of humor, right? Granted I felt a little like Noah's neighbors for a minute. Laughing in my head at the idea, immediately thinking what a silly idea it was. Why would God ask my three year old to build an ark? I even let the thought enter my head of why would God talk to Z, he is just a little boy. I mean seriously, why? But then I realized I haven't been listening. God had been trying to talk to me and I wasn't listening. He wasn't saying what I wanted to hear, so instead of listening I was pretending like
HE wasn't listening to my me! Sneaky, but effective.
At church on Sunday our Pastor was talking about Moses and the Israelites crossing the Red Sea. Just a quick recap if you don't know the story. The Israelites basically begged God for a way out of the life they had. He sent them the answer in the form of Moses and so they fled their homes and followed Moses into the wilderness. But then things got bumpy and they questioned what they were doing. They tried to convince themselves that their life had been ok and perhaps they should just return to it. They came to the edge of the Red Sea. They were being hunted and were cornered. God parted the sea and told them to cross....and some questioned Him. Todd, my pastor, pointed out that he was sure that some of the Israelites didn't hesitate and ran to the other side, praising their awesome God. They were gung-ho in their faith! But then there were those that were skeptical and stuck a toe in and then pulled back, questioning the direction they were given, was it safe, wasn't there a better way.....couldn't He help them in another way.
Now Todd may not have been pointing a finger at me, but I am pretty sure God was standing behind me gripping my shoulder as if to say, "are you listening?". Like the Israelites I am guilty of asking God to help and then not trusting His answer. Since we got back to Taiwan I've been struggling with us being here. Nothing specific just in general. It's not something that can be fixed externally. I've been praying about it and haven't been listening to the answers. I want the answer to be a quick fix, maybe even something that someone else could do to make me feel better. I want to be one of those gung-ho believers, to have that strong faith. This morning Zane reminded me what I am missing...."but mommy you have to listen to God." And he is right. I will try harder to listen to what God is saying to me instead of listening for what I want to hear.
Well played God.
1 Timothy 4:12
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set and example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.
