Hug them for me!

I've said before the hardest part of this move for me was leaving Taylor and Tucker.  Yes they are mostly grown, and true they don't need me that much anymore....but I still miss them. I miss knowing that if they did need me I could get in the car and be there in a matter of hours, not a matter of days.  It's a mom thing.  The "everyday" missing them is hard, but what is really tough are the important days that I miss.  Tomorrow Tucker will move into his dorm, he will start his freshman year of college and I won't be there to help.  I wanted to fly home to be there with him.  When I saw him in May we talked about it and decided that it was silly for me to do that, but my heart is sad. With both of the boys I have missed things for one reason or another, but with Tucker it has been harder, our relationship went through such a rough spot.  We are good now, solid, and I don't want to miss anything else. I never want him to feel like I don't want to be there for him. I think as parents we want to grasp for those last shreds of childhood, those moments they still need us. I hope that no matter how old they get, no matter how far apart we are that they know the  place they hold in my heart will always be their own, it can not be filled by something or someone else.  It was carved out for them even before they were born.

This is from 2010...but I love it.  They are so cute with no facial hair!

This was taken in May at Tucker's graduation.  SO proud of them.

I am blessed and so lucky to have these 3 boys to call mine. I am proud of them and can't wait to see where their journey takes them and what God has planned for each of them.

Love it when they are all in the same place!

Hug your babies tight, they grow up fast and if you see one of mine hug them for me and if you think of it tomorrow say a prayer for Tucker as he starts this new adventure and maybe throw in a little prayer for me too, being a momma is hard sometimes.

This summer in Santa Monica

Last Walk for Awhile...My Sunday Photo

We spent our last day together at the Aboriginal Village. It  was a rainy day, but no one really cared.  The mountains looked beautiful with the clouds and the mist.  We all enjoyed having Taylor and Caitlyn here for a visit.  The Tiny American will miss his brother until we see him again over the holidays.

Sunday Photo....Look Brother!

Brothers

When I was pregnant Taylor was very excited, but when I found out the baby would be a boy he was SOOO excited. Of course with the almost 20 year age gap he was always doing the math and making jokes about how old John and I  would be when Z did this or that.  He joked that he would probably have to raise him since we would be too old to do it. But he could not wait to meet his brother.  He plotted and planned all the things they would do together, all the things that he could teach him.  They will have a lifetime of special adventures!

On the day Z was born we went to the doctor.  John told me he was going to text Taylor and tell him it was time, just to mess with him....a few minutes later he texted him and told him he was serious that he needed to get to the hospital. Taylor went home and changed because he wanted to have on a nice shirt when he met his brother.  He anxiously waited on the other sir of the OR door to hear the first cries.  It was love at first sight and has grown stronger  ever since.

They have a really special bond.   Z adores him.  We miss him so much.  For the next two weeks we have him here....we will hear a lot of "brother playroom", "brother play ball", brother read book".  Fortunately Taylor is more than willing to do all of these activities on demand.

This is Home to him....

Today my oldest, my firstborn, will fly halfway around the world to see us....I can't wait!  He is mostly grown, but will always be my baby and so when he is coming to visit, no matter where "home" is I want it to feel like home.  For him that means that momma is in the kitchen. I don't mean that in a 1950"s housewife kinda way...Taylor loves for me to cook for him and I love to do it.  Even though we are in Taiwan I know that at least once in the next 2 weeks there will be meatloaf made in my kitchen, probably tacos and most likely stuffed shells.  When the boys were little I cooked dinner almost every night, sitting down to the table to have dinner together was an important part of the day. Me cooking is home to him, the smells, the tastes and the love that goes into me preparing his favorite things.